In 20 minutes, my not-so-baby boy will be 18 years old. Wait. Let me say that again: in 20 minutes, my not-so-baby boy will be 18 years old!! An adult. Technically speaking. AN ADULT!! Yikes!!
Let me tell you how I feel about this …
In my mind, he will always be 5 years old. That’s when I met him. I didn’t get to carry him in my womb or experience his first anything. He was 5 when his daddy brought him in to the hotel, where I was working, to meet me. He was SO SHY that he hid behind Steven’s knee and peeked around to stare at me. He didn’t say a word. Not. One. Word!
13 years have passed. In the blink of an eye, we learned to trust, lean on and love each other with a bond so strong that he calls me mom. In the blink of an eye, he went from that shy little 5 year-old to an official adult. Seriously, that fast. 13 years in the blink of an eye. CRAZY FAST!! And I’m scared as Hades!!
Have we said the right things? Have we done the right things? Did we honor his mother enough? Does he know that we love him and want the best for him, always? Does he know that he is his own person? What is he going to do with his life? Why doesn’t he put the same effort in to studying biology that he puts in to detailing his truck? Will he stay on a path lit by God’s light or will he sway toward the darkness for a bit and struggle to find his way back? Did we create enough memories to give him a solid foundation of confidence and security to enter the world and stand on his own successfully? Will he really go to college and get a degree or will he go to work to find his way in this world? Have we given him enough to not only survive … but to THRIVE?!
Yes, these are the things racing through my mind as I embrace insomnia on the eve of his 18th birthday! To all the moms who have gone before me in launching an ‘adult’ in to the world: I extend a huge hat-tip to you, ladies!! And no need to remind me, I know that I will survive this milestone no matter how crazy it feels in this moment, lol
Here’s what else I know:
- I know that he will be who he is and that his path has already been decided … and that it’s a path that will prosper him, keep him from harm, give him hope and a future
- I know that we made the best decisions we could make for him in the moments we had to make them … and we were never afraid to go back and apologize if we later thought we had decided wrong
- I know that even though his biology grade does not reflect it, Maverick is a hard-working young man … he’s compassionate and respectful as well
- I know that we have poured in everything we had to give and modeled the way as best we could in order for him to understand what it is to have good character and make right decisions
- I know that, even though he has been doing laundry for the past few years, he will never sort the clothes the way I taught him (some battles aren’t worth fighting)
- I know that regardless how much it scares me, he will travel his own journey … one that will be filled with his very own ups and downs, struggles and triumphs
- I know that, whether they are struggles or triumphs, they are Maverick’s to claim … for the glory of good or for the lessons of not-so-good … he will make the choices and he will get the credit accordingly
I want that for him! Hubby is right … he has to find his own way, even if that means falling on his tail a time or two to do so (but seriously, come on, that’s not how moms are wired, guys)!! Here’s the thing though … we (read that as ‘I’ because I have to be fair to hubby on this one) pretty much laid out his path up until now and my fear is that I have hindered him from being able to determine the best path for himself. I pray against that fear every day … EVERY day!! He is capable. He is able. He is equipped. He is a child of the One True King. He will be okay!
Yes, he will … that doesn’t change the fact that he will always be my little boy … the one who changed my life forever. The one who made me ‘mom’ … the one who has a piece of my heart … and allowed me to have a piece of his, even when it would have been easier not to
Happy Birthday, Boo … I love you to the moon and back … 27 Always, Mom